Week 10 Prompt, 2 of 3

I was experimenting with something different; I hope it worked okay.

49. Doesn't matter where you begin, you'll end up back here.

1.    The cockroaches crawl everywhere.  They’re so big and thick, I gag to think of them.  One hostel has a chemical block of some sort on the drain pipe in the bathroom to keep them out.  The smell is so strong I get an asthma attack.  I don’t think it’s safe for people to breathe.
2.    The men harass me on the streets.  “Miss!  Tuk-tuk?”  “Miss, taxi?”  I can’t even pull out a street map without all of them converging on me, eager to “help”.  In a huff of anger I put the map away and storm off in a direction that might not necessarily be the right one.  I hate how my whiteness is like a beacon to them.
3.    I order pizza in a restaurant.  I’m sure all the other American tourist do too, too afraid to try something new.  I feel the need to defend myself.  My home isn’t in the U.S. right now.  I don’t normally have the opportunity to eat pizza.  I want to tell the servers that it’s okay, I’m exempt from scorn.  I really do like all the wonderful native foods they have to offer.  But I haven’t had pizza in months, honestly.
4.    I’m looking at the limited English book selection in the store.  It’s only a two week vacation, and I’ve already bought Culture Shock: Thailand.  There are a lot of books here about people being framed for drug smuggling and spending a couple of decades in Thai prisons.  Why would they offer these kinds of books to tourists?!  I begin to feel paranoid.  I flip through my culture shock book and decide it’s only good for someone who would want to live here.  I feel irritated at my waste of money and “forget” the book at a hostel.
5.    I told my travel companion, someone who decided to tag along with me for the day, that we would need to dress appropriately.  “If you don’t wear a long skirt, they’ll force you to dress in one.  They’ll be offended by shorts.”  She ignores my advice and grumbles when they make her change into one.  The grounds are amazing.  I almost wish I didn’t have my camera, because I feel like I’m only seeing from behind the lens.  One of the temples is covered in little shining squares of gold coloring.  It’s my first time to see such opulence.  I try to be respectful to the guard in front of the king’s palace as I photograph it.  I feel annoyed as he stands erect and emotionless, giggling tourists posing next to him for pictures.
6.    The airport has the most amazing fruit smoothies I have ever encountered.  It brings tears to my eyes now, thinking of them, making them seem almost mythical in memory.  Not all fruits can travel the world without going bad, so here is my opportunity to try something completely new.  I wish I had bought a dozen more.
7.    They forgot me.  On this uninhabited island.  How pathetic, what a horrible tour.  I feel panic welling up in me.  I don’t even know the name of the company.  I don’t know how to get back to the mainland, and all of my money is hidden there.  Another tour group arrives, and fortunately the guide knows my group, radioing to them to come get me.  I miss the second part of the tour because of this, and then get on the wrong boat returning home.  The tour guide personally offers to drive me back to my hostel.  It’s silent and awkward.  I look out the window, trying to hide my tears.
8.    Flights in-country are so cheap, it’s amazing.  I have the opportunity to visit two other cities.  I’m walking through Phuket, two years after the tsunami that killed so many.  You can’t even tell there was a major disaster here.  Or maybe you can.  But I’m just a temporary visitor.
9.    At a bazaar I buy a bag of roasted crickets.  Just because I can.  There’s a platter of fried meal worms, half the size of an earthworm, that make me gag just to look at them.  An American tourist gasps “I can’t believe you’re going to eat one!”  I laugh and show her the cricket on my tongue, which utterly disgusts her.  Still, a bag of bugs aren’t my thing exactly, so I decide to “forget” this, too, on some vendor's table.
10.    An Asian girl is unpacking her things in the dorm room.  “Do you speak English?” I ask her hopefully.  She shakes her head.  “Japanese,” she points to herself.  I start a conversation with her in that language, and we are both delighted to have someone to talk with.  I feel the strangeness of it, being here and relying on another non-native language to communicate.
Part of me feels sad that I chose another foreign country to vacation in.  I obviously need a cultural reprieve.  I’ve felt repeatedly out of place and encountered many difficulties here.  I think of all the people who have called me an adventurer, because of the places that I’ve traveled to.  But I’m not, not really.  But I still go to these new places.  I still feel scared and stressed and out of place.  I don’t really know what drives me.  But I go.