Week 9 Prompt, 3 of 3

39. I came, I saw, I conquered.

Rules, those will help, help to stay focused, focused on your goals.  The first two weeks are the worst, but once you get past it, you can do anything.  You think.  So the rules are carefully set, and an end date for this trial is set too.  You couldn’t survive without knowing if there was an end in sight or not.  What happens after the end date though?  Better not to think about that right now.

…

They sell Snickers in Japan.  To your anguish they don’t sell Reese’s Peanut Butter cups (you can never seem to find those in other countries!), but they do sell Snickers.  Not as sweet as the American ones, like almost every other sweet in Japan, but that’s okay, that’s good.  It helps with the control, for things to be less sweet.  It’s only the third day and you’re already looking at the Snickers longingly, sitting there on the shelf with other temptations.  But you think of the rules.  With an effort, you turn your head away and purchase a seaweed-wrapped rice ball instead.  Good grief.

…

Doutour sells wonderful little cakes, and the coffees are pretty nice too.  It’s been a month since something this heavenly has melted on your tongue.  You’re scared that you won’t be able to control yourself after this, that your “once a month” treat rule will be thrown out the window.  You feel that beast within you, too.  You want to eat another piece of cake, and another.  You want to shove the waitstaff out of the way while you stuff your entire head into the display counter, raspberries and chocolate and cream and crumbs sticking to your face and hair, guttural animal noises emitting from your mouth.  You squint your eyes shut and force the mantra back into your head “once a month treat, once a month treat!”  You lick your plate when no one’s looking.

…

Cherry blossom ice cream.  Only in Japan.  The vendor is in front of rows of stunning cherry trees, white petals like soft snow on the dark branches, the cherry blossom festival in full swing.  The ice cream would be treat #2 for the month, but that’s okay with “The Rules” – thou shalt be allowed more than one treat in a month if it is considered a “cultural experience”.  A slice of chocolate cake may be an orgasmic experience, but it’s not the same.  Maybe you’re lying to yourself about the ice cream though – I mean, flower flavored ice cream, how good is that actually going to taste?  But you don’t bother pondering too deeply as you lick the cold treat, allowing an addict’s shudder of pleasure as the sugar seeps into your brain.

…

You’re only a couple of months away from your goal now.  People have been commenting on how nice you look, how strong your willpower has been.  You don’t feel terribly different.  Perhaps your willpower has improved, but sometimes you wonder.  You worry about what will happen after your birthday.

…

Six months.  Six months seems so short, but oh, it also seems so, so long.  You can have anything you want, happy birthday to you, that was the promise.  You feel weird allowing yourself so many sweets now “just because.”  These weird little rules somehow manage to keep you in line.  The “let all hell break loose” promise was only meant for today, your birthday.  But you don’t have any plans lined up for after this.  The rules kept everything orderly.  There are no rules now.  As the days pass you feel yourself slipping again.  You wonder when the rules will once again dictate your life.