Week 9 Theme - Pointilism

I was dropped off the first day.  We were all given a chance to catch the rhythm of the room, learn to move with it, without having to worry about things like buses.  A shelf of toys lay off to the side; some of the toys were to become very coveted.  The wooden birthday cake in particular was one we fought over.  I rarely won.  There was an old brown couch surrounded by books, little tables and chairs, and a carpet with a rocking chair.  It all seemed like a fairyland to me.

They thought I could read, because I would spend long lengths of time alone, on the old couch in the back of the room, contemplating each page carefully, turning them slowly, as if each storybook’s pages were full of weighted words.

Sucking on blue cubed milk cartons during snack time, drawing sloppy pictures in crayon, laying down in the dark for "quiet time".  My existence was simple, but happy.  Every day I was a part of the group, yet separate.  I drifted to my own beat.

....

The smell of fresh paint and newly installed carpets are everywhere.  We received scathing threats about treating the new school with pride and respect.  We soon grew accustomed to trudging down the limited halls to each pristine classroom.  Small place, only 100 of us.  Small, but big to me.  We have to switch classes now, which intimidates me.  It was so much easier to just stay in one place every day.

I dread contact with my fellow students.  The bell rings and a sea of unfriendly faces surround me as we pass to class.  “You’re a bitch!” one of the boys yells to me, for no particular reason.  As usual, no intelligent return quip comes to mind.  I hang my head in frustration.

Every day here passes at a glacial pace.  A boy throws chewed gum in my hair while the teacher is out.  The entire class laughs at me when I start to cry.

….

I had eight nightmares about getting lost the summer before I went.  Really quite silly, when you consider there are only four major halls here.  I’m convinced that I’ll never get the hang of things, but a couple of weeks later I’m one of the natives.  Two more town’s worth of kids fill these halls, throwing off the dynamics of all the popular people.  I meet with cruel acts daily, but my fellow nerds make the days come and go a little easier, easier than before.

As usual, I pass my days daydreaming.

….

It was like no other experience I’d ever had.  It was like how it should have been, always.  It was coming home after a long battle.  I could choose what I wanted to study, what a revelation.  I find friends; we flock together, soon inseparable.  We eat together, sleep in rooms side by side.  Almost like a family.  We lounge on couches outside the cafeteria, discussing ideas that interest us.  In between the craze of tests and papers, I find the greatest amount of peace that I have ever known, here.  Here there are too many people, too many that have moved beyond childish, petty ways, for there to be “the popular” and “the unpopular”.  We are all just fish drifting in a sea, focused on ourselves too much to worry about others.