Journal, Day 1

It's been such a crazy, hectic week.  I feel like a candle with no wick left.  Now it's almost 11 pm and I'm getting ready to leave my boyfriend's empty house for my home.  I've been there such a small amount of time this week; I wonder if the cat remembers me?

Today was fairly productive, I think.  My boyfriend and his roommate were headed out to the wilderness for a weekend of camping.  I longed to go with them, but sometimes guys need guy time.  And I've been rather swamped with things that needed to get done.  So after making them breakfast and seeing them off (I really can be quite mothering at times), I planted myself down in front of the computer to roll up my sleeves and get to work.

I've been really quite anxious about being so behind this week, but as they say in Japanese "shikata ga nai" - it can't be helped.   I worried quite a bit about the writing assignment "the writer as a writer" using three different voices.  I thought perhaps they would all sound the same, but to my delight I felt they all sounded very different and unique (to me anyhow) as a result.  Well, I still have lots of misgivings about my writing, but I enjoyed myself while doing it, and I suppose that's half the battle.

After a few hours of that I couldn't contain myself and launched off my chair and out the door.  Nothing is more torturous than hearing birds sing on a sunny day and not partaking of any of it.  I drove downtown and went to my favorite cafe for lunch, Giacomo's.  I really ought not to have bought lunch, I'm trying to save money, but I can't help savoring a good ice coffee, sandwich, and a delicious book while sitting in a cafe.  It's okay to spoil yourself once in a while, right?

I wandered around outside, wandered to the library to return a book.  I absolutely adore downtown Bangor.  It's kind of like a little Venice, here in Maine.  It really is an enchanting little place, and here in the fullness of summer it seems all the more lovely.  The outer parts, the big shopping areas, have changed so much from my childhood.  But here, in the downtown, it will always be the charming place of my youth.

I needed to enjoy the warmth of the day, so I went to the Bangor City Forest and walked for a couple of hours.  Even if my thoughts are chattering away, I can feel them slow a little with the sifting of wind through pine needles, the light and shadows moving on the path as I walk.  It felt good to be out, to be exercising.  It felt like the first time in two weeks that I had finally taken out time for myself.  I savored it.

Then off to the Natural Living Center to wander the aisles aimlessly.  I need to go on a special diet for my health soon, and I should be here to look at ingredients and plan, but I can't bring myself to it.  Instead I buy some random snacks and wander back out.  I eat dried sheets of nori (a kind of seaweed) while I wait for the red light to change, and feel amused at how silly I must look.

Then finally back to my boyfriend's house, where only the cats are here to greet me.  They're incredibly sweet, affectionate things.  I'm not particularly fond of cats, but I do like these ones.  I feel good about the next chunk of writing that I complete, and head down for some dinner.  But alas here I am again, my brain feeling increasingly fried and no ideas forthcoming.  I decided it was better to complete my journal entry now and come back to the drawing board tomorrow.  Perhaps it's too late, but either way I'd like to finish it, for my sake at least.  And on that note, back to Winterport and to bed!